


days on the island

by reylofics



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Falling In Love, Feelings, Friendship/Love, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-04-13 22:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14121714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylofics/pseuds/reylofics
Summary: jack recounts his days on and after the island in third person.





	days on the island

**Author's Note:**

> please note that ralph and jack are 17, and the rest of the boys are 16 or younger.
> 
> * tw for internalized homophobia, homophobic behavior (no slurs) and murder.

Day 1

Who was this astonishingly pale boy with the conch? Acting as though he were their leader—all high and mighty with his stupid horn or whatev r it was. Jack shook his head at the scene laid out in front of him: A fat boy with glasses and “ass-mar” (this was what he had heard the pale boy describe the fat boy’s heavy breathing as) sitting together with the boy with the conch. It was quite peculiar. Even more peculiar was the way that the fat boy heeded Conch Boy’s every word, nodding vigorously along to his words like he was some sort of lap-dog. It was disgusting, really. At first glance, Jack promptly decided that he disliked Ass-Mar, although he was still unsure about where his feelings toward Conch Boy stood. He knew that he generally did not like the pale boy acting like their leader but that didn’t mean that he was adverse to possibly becoming friends with Conch Boy himself. So, to figure out his stance on Conch Boy, he decided to play nice until he got a better read on the other boy.

He cleared his throat. “I’m Jack Merridew,” said Jack, stepping forward to extend his hand to Conch Boy (who, as he had expected, kindly accepted his hand with a firm shake). In a nonchalant motion, Jack gestured to the group of boys behind him, explaining, “These are MY choir boys.” Saying this, he made sure to stand up a little straighter and puff his chest out while putting an emphasis on the word “my”. Sure, he could play nice. But he could also quietly challenge Conch Boy’s authority without coming off as overtly superior or cocky. After all, it was too early for a scuffle on the island.

“Oh,” was all that Conch Boy said. Jack frowned at Conch Boy’s dismissal of his slight challenge to Conch Boy’s authority. Then again, he could’ve just been dim and not noticed Jack’s challenge of authority—this, for some reason, bothered Jack to a great extent although he couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why. Maybe it was just frustration from the lack of attention that the pale boy was giving him. In the end, he ignored Conch Boy’s casual tone and gave him a wide grin. Conch Boy easily took the bait and returned the smile back. The upper corners of Jack’s mouth genuinely tilted upwards at the other boy’s goofy smile before he could stop it. 

Then, Ass-Mar interrupted. “Jack, right? I’m—,” he started.

Conch Boy whipped his head around to face Ass-Mar. “Shut up, Piggy!” he snapped at the younger boy. Piggy’s face twisted sadly at the mention of his unfavorable nickname.

“I told you not to call me that,” he lamented, trailing off when the paler boy gave him a dark glare. For a split second, Jack felt an ounce of pity for Ass-Mar—no, Piggy. Noticing his remorseful gaze, Piggy caught his eye and Jack quickly turned away, ashamed of himself for giving sympathy to a boy like Piggy. He had been taught from birth not show sympathy to weak boys like Piggy and he wasn’t about to start changing now. Being stranded on an island was no reason to start deviating from his morals. Right now, all he was focused on was making the most of this dreadful experience on the island and getting the hell out of here. Therefore, he had no time to feel pity for anyone else. No one, not Piggy, his choir boys, or even the mysterious Conch Boy, would deter him from his mission of getting off the island.

 

Day 2

Even Jack Merridew had to admit that the shelter from the night before had been horrifically put up. Granted, it WAS partly his fault that the shelter had turned out so horrible, since he and Conch Boy had come to a mutual decision that the littluns should make the shelter while the older ones gathered more important necessities such as food and water. So far, they had gathered an abundance of plants, berries, and water to eat and drink. Though, that wasn’t the point nor was it anywhere near what Jack Merridew was currently focused on. The point was that the head choir boy was coming to like Conch Boy (yes, he still hadn’t asked for his name). Nonetheless, he couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason that he liked Conch Boy. All he knew was that Conch Boy was smart and a good leader (though Jack still would’ve preferred it if he was the overall leader).

“Oi, Jack!” called out Conch Boy, snapping Jack out of his short-lived thoughts. As always, Piggy was trailing behind him like a piece of unraveling string. Jack couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the pitiful mess behind Conch Boy before responding.

“Come over here,” waved Jack loudly, holding his hands high above his head. Soon enough, Conch Boy spotted him sitting near the edge of the water with his hands in the air and rushed over to join him. In doing so, he left Piggy to converse with the other boys since Piggy was barely able to run—what with his ass-mar and all.

Running towards Jack, Conch Boy lifted his shirt up and over his head, revealing his even paler skin underneath. Jack’s breathing slowed for a second but he didn’t think anything of it, smiling as his new comrade joined him on the riverbank. The other boy tossed his shirt on the pile of clothes that Jack had already lumped on the ground, consisting of his blazer, trousers, and socks. Conch Boy was wearing fairly more than the older boy was—Jack felt naked in comparison, wearing only his white T-shirt and boxers. In the sand, next to the other boy, Jack squirmed under the blazing heat of the sun.

The other boy could tell that Jack looked visibly uncomfortable next to him, though he had no idea why. He discreetly peeked at Jack every now and then, trying to figure out the reason for his obvious discomfort. Upon looking at the pile of clothes on the ground, he noticed how many more clothes that Jack had thrown on the ground. In comparison to what the head choir boy was wearing, Conch Boy was the exact opposite of naked. Suddenly, he felt embarrassed for still wearing his schoolboy uniform. With a sudden rambunctious urge to join Jack in his half-nakedness, the other boy flung his pants and socks on the ground, left with nothing but his boxers on. He had to admit—it felt much better without the weight of miserable clothes dragging his body down into the sand. Sighing, he ran his fingers through his already ruffled hair and tickled his toes in the water.

After a while, Conch Boy shyly glanced at Jack when he noticed that the older boy hadn’t said anything yet. Jack looked oddly at the paler boy. He looked Conch Boy up and down, almost as if he were silently judging his current appearance. As far as Conch Boy could tell, Jack seemed to appreciate the younger boy stripping off his clothes to join him in half-nakedness. They smiled at each other just like two friends who had known each other forever.

 

Day 7

“You’re not going to decapitate a pig.”

“We’re not decapitating a pig, we’re only STABBING it.”

“Same thing.”

Jack and Conch Boy (whose name Jack had learned to be Ralph but was still Conch Boy to him) glared at each other.

“Frankly, we shouldn’t be attempting to kill a pig, at all,” Piggy said nervously, pushing his sweaty glasses up the ridge of his nose.

“Shut up, Piggy!” Jack and Ralph said in unison, both turning to face Piggy with the same amount of disdain in their faces. Right after their coincidental outburst at the weaker boy, they returned to their original places in the sand, crossing their arms and glaring at the boy across from them. All of the older boys were gathered in a crowd around the two boys, with Piggy helplessly inching his way to the middle to separate the two. The littluns were currently scattered around the island, too busy to be bothered with Jack and Ralph’s trivial fights regarding the issue of savagely hunting on the island for food.

In the middle of circle, Jack and Ralph were waiting for someone to speak and break the pregnant silence. Jack’s face was stoic, unwilling to show any emotion. Ralph was tired of it. “Are you gonna’ keep being an asshole? We’ll be here all day if you don’ try to see my side of things.”

Jack was livid. “YOUR side of things?” he shrieked. “YOUR side of things? Conch Boy, all I’ve done since we got here is follow YOUR side of things. So, please, enlighten me more on how I should try to see YOUR side of things, like that’s not what I’ve already been doing.” Around the circle, the boys shook their heads at Ralph, feeling pity for Jack.

Ralph ignored the nickname given to him by Jack. Instead, he continued to spark the wispy flame of the argument at hand. “You’ve been following my side of things? That’s what you call it?” He laughed. “Jack, all you’ve done since we got here is try to show everyone how much better of a leader YOU would be. So, please,” started Ralph, mimicking Jack, “enlighten me more on how you’ve been following my side of things and not trying to become the leader. Clearly, that’s all you care about.” 

This time, the boys around the circle shook their heads at Jack, now feeling pity for Ralph. They whispered to each other quietly, sharing their thoughts on who they thought had made a better argument. So far, the overall consensus was that Ralph was the clear winner (had this been a debate and not a public argument that was yet to be resolved by the two boys). Sensing the crowd’s disapproval, Jack uncrossed his arms to pull Ralph out of the circle hastily to talk to him.

“Let’s go talk privately,” he hissed at Ralph. Although Ralph didn’t really want to go, he also didn’t want to continue to publicly humiliate himself or Jack in front of the other boys. Reluctantly, he agreed and headed off to a hidden spot in the forest with Jack to talk. During their walk to the hidden spot, neither one of the boys said a word to each other. They merely stole secret glances at each other, trying their hardest to not catch the other boy’s eye and get caught up in curiosity. When they reached the spot, they were both relieved to finish their argument in the solitude of the woods.

Jack was the first to start off the conversation. He was prepared to mouth off Ralph, hidden off from the rest of the boys, but ultimately, he took a different route. “I just wanted to get us some meat,” he whispered pathetically. The head choir boy knew he was the losing the argument and was trying to appeal to Ralph’s better half. “We can’t live off berries forever.”

Ralph nodded. “But what’s the use of killing pigs if we lose two or three of us in the process? Jack, these aren’t some trained pigs that will LET you kill them. These are wild, dangerous things. They’ll kill us all if we’re not careful. They’ll kill you.” The boy bit his lip anxiously, but his voice was calmer, now. It had worked—the taller boy was finally getting through to him.

“Look,” said Jack, placing his hands on Ralph’s shoulders and looking him right in the eyes, “I’m not stupid. I’m not going to recruit the littluns to kill pigs with me. I’m not going to do anything stupid. I know you’re the leader, but I need you to trust me. Just this once. We’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.”

Ralph glanced at Jack’s hand on his shoulder and noticed the way his breathing caught in his throat. “Okay.”

 

Day 9

Last night’s pig could still be tasted in Ralph’s mouth. The savory flavor yearned to enter his mouth once more. To be quite honest, Ralph was secretly glad that he had allowed Jack and the hunters/his choir boys to hunt—though, he wasn’t quite sure that Jack would’ve exactly strayed from hunting if he HAD banned them from killing the pig. But, right now, that wasn’t too big of a concern. 

After nine days on the island, Ralph and Jack were starting to get along better, minus a few minor disagreements between the two. Piggy, jealous of all the attention that Ralph was giving the older boy, tried to insert himself in their friendship. This was much to the dismay of both boys. Unfortunately for Piggy, the boys had come to a mutual agreement to find as much excuses as possible so that they could go off on their own and leave Piggy with the other boys to annoy them immensely. It worked to their benefit but left Piggy feeling very alone, since everyone else either found him too annoying or intimidating (mainly the former).

However, neither Ralph nor Jack let Piggy’s aching sadness get in the way of their newfound happiness together as friends. Currently, they were headed off to what had become “their” spot in the forest. Oddly enough, the hidden spot that they had found two days ago in the midst of an argument had sort of fell in their lap.

Eagerly, Ralph grabbed Jack’s hand and led him through the forest. After spending so many days together, physical affection towards the other was nowhere near unknown to them. In fact, they relished in the fact that, here on the island, they could openly touch each other affectionately without being called homophobic slurs by the other boys. The other boys were all too worried or too invested in other things to care about Jack and Ralph. Besides, it wasn’t like they were dating and nobody had any reason to suspect that they were. As far as they all knew, Ralph and Jack were just close friends that expressed their friendship through frequently touching the other.

Of course, Jack wasn’t gay. He didn’t know about Conch Boy but he assumed the same to be true. After all, he couldn’t even imagine how much his father would beat him back home if he were to discover that Jack was friends with a boy who was gay—the thought of Jack himself liking boys back home was almost unthinkable. Then again, they weren’t back home. So, in Jack’s mind, it didn’t really matter if Conch Boy was gay or not. All he knew was that they had become something like best friends on the island. Here, hidden in their secret spot, Jack felt relief wash over him like a big weight had finally been lifted off of his chest.He didn’t know why.

Day 11

It turned out, their openly affectionate friendship was short-lived. Two days after visiting their secret spot in the forest, Jack and Ralph were holding hands and walking along the edge of the water as they had been doing for the past couple of days. Some of the littluns passed by them holding hands like Jack and Ralph in a way that seemed to be mirroring their affectionate friendship. Then, Roger, one of the older boys on the island, passed by them on his way to torment the littluns.

Roger glanced at the pair holding hands. “Are you guys fucking or something?” he sneered crudely.

Ralph slowly untangled his fingers from Jack’s. “No,” mumbled Jack, not looking at anything but the ground. Sheepishly, he put his hands by the sides of his boxers, looking for imaginary pockets. Conch Boy glanced at him disappointedly.

“Don’t start,” he warned Roger, looking at him straight in the eyes.

“Or what?” laughed Roger. “You gonna’ shoot me or somethin’? We’re already dead on this island.” He laughed once more and, with that, strolled off to torment the littluns. Out of all the people on the island, Ralph was the most respected; for some reason, Roger didn’t seem to care—he respected no one but himself. 

When Roger finally left the two boys alone, Ralph turned to stroke Jack’s face to provide some comfort to him. He saw the tears threatening to spill down his eyes, and his heart hurt for him. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “He’s an idiot.”

Angrily, Jack slapped the other boy’s hand away from his skin. “I’m not gay,” huffed the older boy. In a blatantly rude fashion, he swiftly turned around and stormed away from his friend.

 

Day 15

In the days following the Roger incident, Jack was reluctant to hang out with Ralph, much less touch him. He was now even refusing to go to their secret spot together, claiming that the others would “start rumors” when they noticed the two sneaking off together. Although Ralph had reason to believe that this was about something much bigger than Roger’s accusation, he left it alone. As much as Jack was trying to let go of him, Ralph wasn’t ready to let go of his best friend. On their 15th day on the island, Ralph spent the whole day worrying about Jack, who was out hunting. When Jack came back, he beared several blood stains on his face. Ralph almost didn’t recognize the boy standing in front of him.

 

Day 20

Jack still hadn’t gotten over Roger’s accusation. The head choir boy continued to avoid his friend multiple days after Roger’s taunts had gotten inside Jack’s head. It wasn’t Ralph’s fault but Jack felt that he needed to figure some things out: Firstly, why Roger’s accusation had hurt him so much and secondly, why he was already so deeply in love with his best friend. After a few days of debating both issues and gathering his thoughts together, Jack Merridew came to the conclusion that he was completely gay and completely fucked. Therefore, as any logical person would do, he blew up at Ralph as a result of his own internalized anger and fled to another secluded area of the island as a way to completely avoid the boy that he was in love with. Along with him, he brought along several of his choir boys with him.

Two days after leaving Ralph behind, Jack realized that it was their 20th day on the island. He also realized that he needed to talk to Ralph. Stupidly, he went and waited at their secret spot in the forest, hoping that Ralph would miraculously bump into him there even though he hadn’t asked for him. Obviously, Ralph didn’t show up. 

In a drastic attempt to get the younger boy’s attention, Jack fled to their camp in the middle of the night. He instructed his group of boys that they were only there to steal Piggy’s glasses. It was an alternate excuse to hide the truthful reason as to why he was there at Conch Boy’s camp. While the other boys went on their purposeful mission to steal Piggy’s glasses, Jack entered Ralph’s tent.

As expected, the fair boy was lying peacefully on the dirty floor of his living area. The older boy noticed Ralph’s breaths visibly rising up and down on his chest. In his sleep, Ralph smiled to himself and Jack felt like he was intruding on Ralph’s dreams. Looking at Ralph and his surroundings, he tentatively decided against waking up Ralph and started to slowly creep out of the tent. It was a mistake for him to have entered the other boy’s tent to begin with. Gingerly, he watched his step as he slowly backed out of the other boy’s swollen tent. Unfortunately for him, a small twig happened to land underneath his feet, crunching under the sole of his sock. Jack yelped in pain, feeling the simultaneous penetration of the stick through his sock and the hard rocks hitting his back as he fell backwards into the sand. He tried to cover his hand over his mouth to silence the shock of the pain but it was too late.

Immediately, Ralph woke up. “Who’s there?” asked the younger boy groggily. He yawned, stretching his arms widely around his head.

Jack scrambled to get to his feet and leave, but Ralph was quick to call him out. “Jack?” he questioned, his voice laced with pure sadness. Then, his face hardened as he stared at the head choir boy sitting sheepishly in front of his tent. “What’re you doing here?”

Nervously, Jack bit his lip. He had no time to respond as one of the choir boys rushed by the tent, chanting, “I got Piggy’s glasses!” Perfect timing.

Behind him, another boy shrieked in excitement. “Can’t believe you got that fat ass’ glasses!” Jack shook his head in retaliation at the two troublemakers. Ashamed, he turned to try to make amends with Ralph. But Ralph was already in a hurry to try and go get Piggy’s specs. He shoved Merridew aside, racing to catch the choir boys, but he was already too late. Winded, he staggered back to his own tent, his chest heaving heavily with each breath that he took. 

“Conch Boy—,” Jack started.

Ralph wasn’t hearing it. “Don’t call me that, Merridew,” he groaned, deliberately turning his body to face Jack Merridew.

Jack took a deep breath. “Okay. Ralph,” he started again.

Ralph held one finger up in the air to silence the other boy, still recovering his breath. “I don’t want to hear it. Jack, I thought you were more than some preppy, self-absorbed piece of shit. But it turns out, you’re just as selfish as I thought you were. And to think, I thought you were my friend!” Lightheartedly, the younger boy laughed at the last sentence like he had already come to terms with the fact that the boy standing in front of him was no longer someone he wanted to be friends with. Clearly, Jack didn’t find any humor in his words. He continued to stare at him with a sad expression, trying to explain himself, but not being able to find the words to do so.

“I want you to leave.” Now Ralph was standing upright under the hood of the tent with an angry expression written upon his face.

“Please don’t do this,” cried out Jack, begging for an opportunity to talk to Ralph. At this point, he would be grateful for the opportunity to explain that he had never wanted to come into Ralph’s camp to hurt him or the other boys—he wanted to explain the real reason behind why he had come in the first place. He wasn’t even focused on confessing his hidden feelings for the slightly younger boy. All he wanted was for Ralph to not hate him. Sadly for him, Ralph was insistent on Jack leaving without any attempt at explaining his actions.

“Listen, Jack, I don’t know what your problem is. You’re the one who chose to leave and start some sort of god forsaken rebellion against me. Don’t try to make things better. They’re not going to get better.”

Jack left.

 

Day 26

For six days, Jack left Ralph’s camp untouched. During those six endless days, it felt impossible to get Ralph out of his head. Desperately, he tried to overpower his thoughts of Ralph by hunting with the other boys that had joined his camp. The rush that hunting gave him was better than almost any other feeling that he had ever felt but Conch Boy was always stuck in the back of his mind. In the days following the attack on the other camp, all of the boys from Ralph’s tribe (excluding Piggy and their dead friend, Simon) had joined his tribe. Regarding Simon’s unspoken death and Piggy’s stolen glasses, the boys from Ralph’s tribe had joined mainly out of fear. Jack certainly wasn’t complaining at the many new additions that he had but he was too stuck on the way that Ralph had looked at him disappointedly on the day of the invasion to focus on anything else. Conch Boy’s sandy hair lingered in his mind for the six days that followed the invasion until he almost couldn’t bear it.

Yet, he was afraid to go back. So instead, he waited for Ralph to come to him.

And he did.

Ralph and Piggy met Jack and his tribe under a cliff on the hidden middle tier below it. Jack and his boys stood above them, overlooking the water. Anxiously, Piggy kept looking up at the other boys, skillfully evading Jack’s steely gaze that was set on him. The older boy had decided that it as best to focus his anger on Ass-Mar instead of accidentally misplacing it on someone like Ralph.

“Why have you come here?” Jack thundered. He was childishly trying to put up the facade of a threatening chief and although the other boys seemed convinced, Ralph was unfazed by the mask that he had put on. Towards the end of his sentence, Jack’s voice started trembling as he caught the younger boy’s gaze beneath him. Quickly though, he regained a steady control of his voice and cleared his throat dramatically.

“We’re here for Piggy’s glasses,” answered Ralph coolly. Piggy fiercely blushed at the nickname, scratching the back of his neck timidly. Along the way, he had almost grown to view the nickname as a sign of affectionate friendship from Ralph.

“Come and get them,” Jack smirked viciously. taunting the two boys below him. His anger was starting to take over his rational side. He nodded his head towards Samneric, who dangled Piggy’s broken glasses in their hands.

“My specs!” cried out Piggy, reaching blindly for his glasses in the air.

“Look at this stupid fuck,” snickered Roger from above. “Your specs are up here, fucking dumbass. Come and get it, you little shit.”

Ralph was quick to retaliate. “If anyone’s a shit here, it’s you and your chief.” Jack’s face reddened considerably. Ralph continued, “And Roger, remember when you thought Jack and I were fucking and you made fun of us for it? Well, I thought about it for quite some time and remembered that you and I used to go the same school. With Simon.”

At the mention of the dead boy’s name, Roger’s face darkened. Noticing this, Jack tried to intervene. He didn’t know what Ralph was up to, what with him mentioning the accidental under of their friend, but he didn’t like it. “Stop it now, Ralph,” Jack warned with a low growl. Ralph ignored him.

“Yeah, Simon,” said Ralph, continuing to anger the older boy. “I seem to recall you two being especially close. Closer than Jack and I were, at one point! For a couple of so called friends, don’t you think that’s odd? Of course, maybe it would’ve been odd if you guys really were only friends. But you weren’t. Right, Roger?” Ralph grinned. “Don’t you dare talk about him like I didn’t care,” was Roger’s response, dangerously treading the line between sane and insane. “You weren’t nice to him for nothing, Roger. I’ll bet my life that you and Simon were just fuc—.”

Roger’s face darkened considerably at this and he was suddenly pushed past his tolerance level. Eyeing the heavy rock beside him, he steadily walked behind it and pushed the rock with all his might to the ground below. Yelling loudly, his eyes considerably darkened with madness as the rock edged off the top of the cliff and fell down below. It narrowly missed Ralph and instead tumbled onto Piggy, carrying the smaller boy into the calm water. For a few seconds, there was a quiet chaos spreading like wildfire in the area.

Then, everything turned to a fucking nightmare.

 

Day 27

One day had passed since Piggy’s death. One day had passed since their rescue. 27 days had passed since Jack and Ralph had met each other and begun a tentative friendship that later dissolved into thin air.

One day had passed since Jack and Ralph had started refusing to look at each other. For some reason, Ralph was able to look at Roger, though he still felt disgust at the pit of his stomach every time he looked at him. With Jack though, it was different. Ralph couldn’t even bear the thought of looking at someone who he had considered his best friend on the island for quite some time. Jack, for an entirely different reason, couldn’t bear to look at Ralph. Looking at Ralph would be like looking at the sun—burning too bright for his heart, which would end up with him ashamedly looking away just as fast as he had looked to him. 

They were now, along with the rest of the remaining boys found on the island, boarded on a plane back home. Somehow, Ralph and Jack ended up sitting next to each other with an empty seat next to them. It was almost as if fate wanted them to be alone together. But Ralph refused to consider the possibility of fate pulling them together, scooting as far away as he could from the other boy without checking to glance at him even once. Miraculously, they had gotten past security and everything else while managing to not look at each other.

Everything was about to change the second that they had boarded the plane, though. They were about to change whether they liked it or not.

The plane rumbled with enthusiasm as the pilot went through the standard custom of greeting his passengers and encouraging them to watch the safety presentation on their screens before they flew up into the night sky. It was a long flight back home—over five hours.

Two hours later and the flight attendants were finally coming around with food and beverages. When the attendant stopped at Ralph and Jack’s row, she smiled at Ralph sweetly. She looked to be in her early 20’s, an age that the older boy considered to be too old for him. In what must’ve been Jack’s wild imagination, she popped her chest out a great deal and made a big deal of grabbing his requested candy, then handing it to him. Without looking at Ralph directly, Jack felt a sudden pang of jealousy.

“Excuse me.” He cleared his throat loudly to get the attendant’s attention. “Could you get me the same thing, please.” Jack could almost sense Ralph rolling his eyes at what was an obvious plea for attention but he didn’t really care. “Thanks,” he awkwardly smiled when the attendant stared at him for a while before grabbing his candy. She brought out another candy for Ralph just as Jack reached his fingers out to retrieve his own candy. Ralph reached out for his additional candy and pursed his lips tightly when his fingers had slight contact with the older boy’s hand. The attendant noticed nothing of it and continued down the aisle.

Ralph still hadn’t withdrawn his fingertips from Jack’s. Their breathing was uneven and mixed with a flurry of emotions.

For the first time since their rescue on the island, Ralph turned and looked at Jack. They sat there in silence, removing their fingers from one another to unwrap their candies. The sandy haired boy was the first to break the silence. “Why’d you do it?”

“Do what?” asked Jack, chewing the last remains of his small candy. Swallowing, he gulped to hear the answer that he already knew subconsciously.

“Why’d you try to kill me?” Ralph’s voice trembled and Jack’s heart hurt for him.

“Conch Boy—Ralph, I wasn’t trying to kill you,” Jack said softly, aiming to make the younger boy feel better with an amicable nickname that now felt almost foreign on his tongue. Salty tears were lumping in both of their eyes.

Ralph quietly laughed. “Sure felt like it.”

Jack didn’t find any humor in the situation. “Ralph, I would never try to hurt you. If anything, you’ve always been the one that I was trying to protect. I can’t believe I let things go so far—Ralph, I just wanted—.”

“—I know,” Ralph said, reassuring Jack even if he still hadn't fully come to terms with every that had happened since their split from each other on the island. Sitting so closely next to each other, it was easy for Ralph to lightly touch his fingers to Jack’s on the seat next to him. They laced their fingers softly together as Jack began to cry. Oddly enough, Ralph was surprised to see that he wasn’t the one crying. If anything, he had begun to understand where Jack was coming from and although he didn’t forgive him (yet), he knew that wasn’t what Jack needed to hear. Right now, all he saw was a scared little boy stuck with things that a boy should never have to experience. He could relate—after all, he was in Jack’s exact position.

In a nurturing manner, he held Jack’s hand in his and began to rest his head on the older boy’s shoulder as they both began to doze off into a blissful sleep.

 

Day 50

Most of the boys from the island were finally going to back to school amid the whispered rumors that followed them everywhere that they went.

Roger, among many of the other boys, was entering Year 12. Since being rescued, Roger had turned rather hostile and angry at everyone, especially those who brought up Simon’s death or Piggy’s. Although he had never really liked Piggy, Simon’s voice kept nagging at him and making him feel extremely guilty for what he had done on the island—though he barely remembered any of it. Additionally, Roger had never really admitted to anything other than friendship occurring with Simon (who had been two years younger during the start of their friendship) but everyone sensed that he felt something deeper for Simon than he had felt for his other friends. No one in his grade dared to confront him about it.

On the happier end of things, Ralph and Jack were the only ones entering Year 13. Though the other boys from the island were still in their school, Ralph and Jack were the only ones in their year with the shared experience of the island to discuss.

After the plane ride back home, Ralph had grown to forgive his best friend over the course of almost a month. In this time, their friendship had bounced back to its orginal flow of things, although they had to tweak a few parts of their friendship to fit the modern setting that they now lived in; for example, they had to find a new secretive spot to talk in private (Ralph’s room, where he was rarely bothered). More often than not, they also had grown to showing each other more affection, both in public and private (except in Jack’s house, where he was always paranoid of his father catching them). The other boys speculated that they had been in a relationship since their beginning on the island and they had successfully hidden their love from each other but Ralph quickly shot down these rumors. “We’re just friends,” he would explain with an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes innocently as he took Jack’s hands in his own and walked off with him.

In fact, holding Jack’s hand almost become like a natural instinct to Ralph. They shyly walked through their school’s halls together, holding each other’s hands tightly like they were afraid of letting go. Together, they walked to their shared Homeroom class, talking to each other the entire time. This became their everyday routine and if one boy was sick, the other boy also stayed home so as to not disrupt their routine. When the bell rang and they were forced to go their separate ways, Jack took Ralph’s hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. Ralph smiled and walked away to his class, meeting him again at the end of the day to walk home.

“So, you heard about the dance?” Jack asked nervously as Ralph walked alongside him.

“Yeah,” started Ralph, “but I might not go.” The younger boy bit his lip nervously. “I don’t know if I’m ready to go to a big social event like that. Yanno’, everyone already whispers about us and if we went to the dance, they’d still be whispering about us, just not as loudly as they usually do.”

Jack stopped in front of Ralph, halting Ralph’s steps forward. Like Ralph did so many times, he took Ralph’s hand in his. “We’re going to that dance,” he fiercely whispered into Ralph’s ears, causing the tip of Ralph’s ears to redden. He stepped backward and began to lean in. Ralph’s heart stopped.

Then, he felt a pair of soft lips land on his cheeks daintily and Ralph’s heartbeat resumed in slight disappointment. Ralph was conflicted—it wasn’t like Jack hadn’t given him many shy kisses on the cheek before, but this was the first time that the kiss had registered some love-ridden instinct within the shorter boy. He decided upon giving an goofy smile to Jack, who stepped back again to happily walk beside him and return home.

 

Day 57

The day of the dance was finally here. Most of the boys in Year 12 were going in small groups with one another, with the exception of a few couples and Roger, who refused to go to an event that he called “trashy and full of fucking bullshit”. However, Ralph was not entirely convinced on going to the dance—especially with Jack, who had him feeling very confused. Deep down, whenever he looked at Jack, he felt a stab of regret that he was best friends with someone who had stood by and helped his friend in getting murdered by giving aid to Piggy’s killer. Yet somehow, he also felt another feeling for the older boy that he couldn’t quite describe as anything other than adoration and fondness; these feelings had long ago overpowered any other regretful feelings that Ralph had felt for Jack. In other words, Ralph felt like kissing the other boy, punching him, crying in his arms, then kissing him all over again. Jack felt the same way about Ralph besides the punching part.

As Ralph dressed for the dance per the other boy’s pleading request, he contemplated everything that he felt about Jack Merridew. Waiting for Jack to pick him up and undoubtedly rave about how amazing their first social event together was going to be, Ralph realized a couple of things. First, he realized that he hadn’t fully forgiven Jack for his actions on the island and would never fully forgive him for what he had gone along with during their time together towards the end of their stay on the island. Secondly, he realized that as messed up as it was, he really really liked Jack more than he had ever liked anyone else. Ralph didn’t care, though. They were both messed up and he would rather be messed up with Jack than messed up by himself.

Nervously, Ralph looked himself over in the mirror, checking out his suit. He smoothed his hand through his sandy hair cheekily in the mirror. After, he shakily smoothed out the creases in his tuxedo, making share not to scuff his shoes in the process. In doing so, he accidentally tilted his pink bow tie but he was quick to tilt it back. As if on the same schedule that he was on, the doorbell suddenly rang as Ralph went to wait by the door. Eagerly, he swung the door wide open to reveal a handsome looking Jack, who had gone all out for the dance. He greeted Ralph with a wide smile, holding his hand out for the younger boy to take. Ralph smiled gratefully and held Jack’s hand sweetly, stepping outside to join him in the cold.

“Where’s your parents?” asked Jack, peering around the corner.

“Out on a date,” the younger boy answered.

Jack grinned mischievously. “Your parents are going out on a date? I guess that means we’re also going out on a date.”

“That makes absolutely no sense.” Ralph chuckled to himself, shaking his head in disbelief.

Jack joined him in laughing but then grew serious. “Would it be weird if I asked you out on a date? Like, right now?”

“No, it wouldn’t be weird, at all,” was the answer that the younger boy finally decided upon after contemplating it for a moment.

The older boy smiled in return to Ralph’s gracious response.

“Oh, by the way,” Ralph said, “the answer to your question is yes. Yes, I’ll go on a date with you to the dance.”

 

Day 200

Nothing happened at the dance. The two boys held hands and Jack was able to sneak away with a sly kiss to Ralph’s cheek that was obviously intended as more than an affectionate act of friendship but that was the extent of how things went down.

On the 200th day after their start on the island, Ralph and Jack were no longer the scared 17 year old boys that they had started out as. Now, they were officially both 18 years old and more knowledgeable about what was important and what wasn’t. They had discovered that their important things in life were mainly their immediate family (for Ralph), their dogs (for Jack) and each other (for both of them).

Today, Ralph and Jack were walking in the park with Jack’s dogs after eating dinner with Ralph’s parents who had humbly become like the accepting parents that Jack never had. After dinner, they felt blissful, holding their hands together. Ralph leaned against Jack’s shoulders with his dog’s leashes in his hand, smiling as they went along the grassy field. The dewy grass whooshed beneath their boots, trapping all their worries away for the day. The taller boy was eager to sit for some reason. So, they both walked silently until they found a quiet bench to sit on and talk.

Ralph slowly set down the dog leashes to let the dogs run around the encaged dog park freely; he was finally able talk to Jack.

“So,” started the sandy haired boy, “we’ve gone out on a couple dates.”

“Yeah,” laughed the other boy, knowing where this was going.

Ralph laughed with him. “Anyways, I was kind of wondering if you wanted to be my boyfriend?”

Immediately, Jack leaned in to hug the younger boy and kiss him. The kiss was anticlimatic considering the fact that they had kissed many times before. Nonetheless, it was still thrilling at the same time. Fireworks were buzzing in the air as it crackled with every press of Jack and Ralph’s lips together. They were hungrily devouring each other’s lips, Jack dominating the kiss, entirely. When he leaned back, Ralph looked at him like he was his whole world and pushed his hair carefully behind his ear. Ralph had forgiven Jack.

“I really really like you.”

**Author's Note:**

> the ending is rushed and very anticlimatic. don’t judge me, i’m lazy.
> 
> update: this story was originally posted on march 31st, 2018 but it has since been edited and revised to fix errors and add additional content.


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